I don’t know about you, but within seconds of getting up in the morning, I experience a furious need to pee. Typically, this is not a problem, as I wake up most days before my girlfriend does, and make my way to the bathroom before she can occupy it.
Sometimes, and this is usually on the weekend, she will beat me to the bathroom. And then I must wait. Most often the wait is a short one, but a couple weeks ago it was not. I’m not entirely sure how long I had to wait for, but it seemed like an eternity. Time slowed as I put all my energy and focus into not pissing myself. I paced our tiny living room with increasing speed as the seconds ticked by. From the bathroom door to the TV to the kitchen sink, then back ’round again. The need to pee continued to build; I was running out of time.
On one of my loops into the kitchen, I spied a water bottle in the recycling bin. And it still had it’s lid! I snatched it up, hid myself in the bedroom, and very very carefully started to fill that bottle. Despite my desperate need to relieve myself, the fear of being caught by my girlfriend in this compromising and questionable position almost made it impossible to go, but go I did. The feeling of relief was so great I almost groaned with relief. The stream continued, and thats when I noticed that I was quickly running out of space in the bottle. With an effort I stemmed the flow, capped the bottle, and quickly hid it in my sock bin. Not a moment too soon either.
Ashamed of my act, I decided to wait until the girlfriend was occupied with something so I could sneak the pee bottle from its hiding place and dispose of it in the toilet. I then promptly forgot all about it.
I was not to remember until I was visiting a friend in Toronto, many miles from home, and unable to do a thing about it. Soon after remembering, I forgot again. I’ve now had a bottle of pee in my closet for 3 weeks.
EW.
03/11/2010 at 8:33 pm Permalink
eew. Indeed! You still manage to crack me up!