The Adventures of Tap

A couple of weeks back I was standing naked in front of the mirror after a nice shower and shave, taking stock. In a few days I was going to be spending some time with a lady friend, and I was trying to decide if my personal grooming was high enough to meet my personal standards of presentation for such circumstances. It was not.

Why not? Hair. Every type of hair. The hair on my head was starting to grow out funny because I had cut it “myself”. Then there was the other hair – body hair. I hate body hair, and through what I’m sure is some cruel joke of fate, I have a lot of it. It covers my arms and my legs and my stomach and my chest. That I can deal with. But as I age, it has begun to creep up my neck, and over my shoulders and down my neck and up my back. I can’t stand it, and so I decided that something would have to be done about it.

From a previous waxing experience (have you seen 40 year old virgin? Yeah…) I knew that you could get strip that had wax already on them. This seemed like the perfect way to rid myself of unwanted hair, as the stubble that grew from shaving would result in friction burns from clothing moving against my skin. I’d work my job naked, but I have to share the 90 acres of camp with two other guys who I know don’t need to see me in my birthday suit. Waxing, I knew, didn’t leave sharp edged stubble that could catch on clothing and it lasted longer!

I bought myself some of those strips and had at it. The whole process went without a hitch, and on a second inspection of myself, I was pleased. I have no idea if the second party was, but I felt much better for having done it. In the end, it was probably all for myself, but I digress.

Four days later something unexpected happened. I slouched on a couch in my cabin, and my back burst into flames. Not literally, but there was an intense burning on my skin. I slipped a hand over my lower back and it was covered in bumps. I was totally mystified for a few moments, and then I realized what it was. I had ingrown hairs. Many, many ingrown hairs.

It is almost two weeks later and they are still there, all red and hurting. I’ll never wax my lower back again, as long as I live. I thought I looked good without the unnecessary back hair, but holy shit, it is NOT worth the pain to ever do it again!

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