The Adventures of Tap

There are some special people out there who like to make something to eat, and then only eat half of it. You know who you are. You’ll go and fix yourself a snack, or maybe a whole meal and go to eat it, but never finish. I’m not talking about food specifically made to not be eaten all at once (i.e. party size lasagna), but about individually size food preparations that don’t get finished. You people are cruel to no end and you make me sick, and I’ll tell you why.

You have absolutely no regard for the feelings of the other half of the food. You make this food to eat, and its all happy that its going to get enjoyed and nourish you and eventually be made into poo. Every bit you take of it it the parts of it that are left just keep getting happier with the anticipation of being eaten. And then it stops. You decide you don’t want to eat the rest of it and now it has to sit there. You just crushed the hopes and dreams of that food like I used to crush tent caterpillars under the wheels of my plastic tractor that I would pedal around as a young boy. Its as if you were about to received your hearts desire, but just as you were about to actually lay your hands on it, a really big guy comes along and smacks you across the face and sticks your head in a public toilet. THAT is how much it hurts.

The food is devastated, and to make matters worse, if you are a waster as well as being cruel and heartless, you throw the food out! Talk about extreme rejection. Then again, you could be a tease and save the food for later, wrapping it up or putting it in a container and shutting it in the dark and cold for who knows how long. No food comes out the same after something like that. Only the mighty coleslaw comes out better.

To all of you people who treat your food so horribly, realise your mistake and make the change. Be like me and inhale your food, not leaving any of it behind. That way all of it can party in your stomach at once, and none of it has to wait on the plate, with the thought that it might be left behind, nibbling at its hope and happiness.

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