The Adventures of Tap

I lose my pants a lot. That came out kind of wrong, let me start over.

A lot of the time, I don’t have any pants on. That still doesn’t sound good, but then there really isn’t a good way to start a blog about not having any pants on is there?

It’s true. Quite a bit of the time I don’t wear pants. It’s not because I’m wearing shorts. I include any men’s clothing worn to cover the legs as pants. So, a lot of the time I have no pants on. Why? It just seems to happen. I live alone, and I get hot easily, so the path of least resistance is walking out of my pants. Sometimes I just don’t want to be wearing any pants, so the come off.

My pants also end up being undone, which sometimes results in them taking themselves off me. Why are they undone? I play with things a lot with my hands. Get your mind out of the gutter; I’m talking about my belt and zipper. Zippers are fun. The thing is, the playing with the zipper and buckle are a subconscious need to do something with my hands, so I don’t always know that I’ve undone them, and when I stand up, the pants come off and I just can’t be bothered with putting them back on.

Just moments ago I got up to do something, and my pants were undone. This time there was no reason for them to be undone. I was typing, which keeps my hands busy enough. I don’t remember undoing them, which I should have, since undoing them was a conscious act. It actually startled me.

I still have not come up with any plausible reason why my pants should have been undone. However, I have come up with some non-plausible reasons:

1. The pants I am currently wearing are my most abused pants. They are held together with duck tape right now. I feel that this neglect has caused my pants to hate me so much they couldn’t stand being on me anymore.
2. My apartment is haunted by the ghost of a gorgeous blond who wants in my pants, as all gorgeous blonds do

I like the second reason the most.

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